Life Vacation

Hey Y’all,

Sorry for not posting for a bit, I was on vacation. Not that you really cared all that much, I bet you all needed a vacation from me just as I needed a vacation from reality.  When I was on my vacation, I needed a vacation from my vacation. And now that I’m back, I want another vacation to vacation from.  What I’m trying to say is that I’m never satisfied.

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When I told my mother about this, she called me a “lazy asshole” and hung up.  When I called my best friend about this he listened intently and then said “Is it my turn to complain yet?”  So then I went and talked to my therapist.  When all else fails, talk to your therapist.

“My life sucks,” I said, ” I want a vacation from it.”

She looked at me silently for a second from behind her glasses. I couldn’t see her eyes, though, because her Transition Lenses were confused by the florescent lighting and were in sunglass mode.  That’s the thing with Transitions. They’re easy to confuse, much like my blind Aunt Dotty.

Mom would let Dotty babysit us, which really says wonders about her parenting style. Forget attachment parenting, she used the”I don’t give a damn”technique. Dotty wasn’t just colorblind, she was full blind. The whole sha-bang.  Her eyes just didn’t work, and I respected them for that.  GOD I wish I had it as easy as a blind woman’s eyes–  just sit there and lazily roll about. NOW THAT’S A VACATION.

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Aunt Dotty would insist that we go to the park because “Kids need to play outdoors in order to grow strong.”  So, we’d obey… kind of. My brother would lead her by the arm down the street while my sister and I were retrofitting her home.  We’d put a “summer breeze” scented candle in front of a fan & replace her plush sofa with patio furniture.  This way, by the time my brother came back from walking her around the block she thought we were outside — She’d just sit on the lawn chair, thinking it was a park bench, while my siblings and I played video-games on mute and raided her fridge.

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So, anyway, my Therapist’s glasses were as gullible by artificial atmospheres as my Aunt Dotty, making her look quite vision-impaired as well.  Though I couldn’t see her eyes, I knew that she was looking at me the way ALL therapists do. You know, with that gaze of “I only have to pretend to listen for a hour to get your insurance’s money & $20 copay.” When she finally did open her mouth, did you know what she said?

“Well… How does that make you feel?” 

“Like shit,” I said, “Like I need a vacation…”

“Well, they say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

“And?”

“Maybe you should do what you love.”

Sound Advice — but what do I love? 

Answer:  not much.  I’m not a morning person. I am definitely not a fan of staying up late.  Honestly, I would much rather be asleep than awake at any point in my day.

So, that being said — and since I do everything my therapist says — I will do what I truly love: SLEEP.  For like… ever.  In a way it’ll be like a much needed vacation from love.  I call it a life vacation.

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BYE.

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