TIME: Where the hell does it go?

Let’s start this blog off on a positive note: WE ALL DIE.

How does that feel? I’d also like to reference my favorite tweet of all time:

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Okay, are we all good? Do you feel that? That ticking clock in the back of your head?

I ain’t even 25 yet and I have already had 15 mid-life crisis-esque stress attacks. & let me just tell ya, spending an illogical amount of money on unnecessary things FEELS GREAT.  Anyone who tells you differently is a complete fool.

Want a motorcycle? BUY A HARLEY. Want that fancy dress in the window? TEAR IT OFF THE MANNEQUIN. Want the royal crown jewels in the display case at the tower of London? TAKE IT AND RUN. (pay the price w/ life in prison, but WORTH IT).


Now, maybe you’re saying that I’m not the best person to ask about impulse buys. I get it. I did sell my soul to the devil that one time for that Klondike bar. But could you blame me?

Impulsive-ness aside, I do know a thing or two about that feeling that time is running away from you.  I mean, even when you’re stagnant, time is still moving. Sometimes we all feel like we aren’t doing enough with the tiny little bit of time that we have.  So what’s the remedy?

It’s called TIME MANAGEMENT, people & here’s how you do it:

1. Get a Calendar

Hint: you have one in your phone. Yell at that skanky bitch Siri and tell her to set appointments for you. It’s like having an assistant that won’t call HR on you when you want to be a vile human being.

P.S. There is also a male Siri  to cuss at for all of you who are sick of the patriarchy.

2. Find What Matters

What do you want to accomplish in your life? How would you like to spend your free time? Do more of that.

Want to write? Paint? Make Money? Watch TV? Pick that. Pick the thing that you complain about “not having time” to do. Look, if Barack makes time for Michelle, you can set aside time to clip your scraggly toe nails.

For me, throwing shade is my life-blood, so I chose to do more of that. 3 hrs a day.


3. Plan

Enter it into your cal. Don’t over-plan, but give yourself a rough outline of how you’d like your day to go. Set aside time for what you care about. Write it in your cal to keep you accountable.


4. Execute

Not “Execute” in King Henry VIII or French Revolution style. That means GTFOff of yo ass and start doing what you always complain about not doing. Once you do this, you’ll start enjoying your time more and stop wasting it.

5. Die





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